If only Im brave enough to tell you this!!

That very morning, I wake up with a lousy feelings. Had nightmares.  Again! I begin to feel like the nightmares had a reason behind it. *sigh*  With a mixed feeling, I lay soo low the whole morning. But when the feeling become so sickening, I just thought about you. Yes you! Maybe I could share with you.  Just maybe...you could came out with your ideas and advices..I took my phone and decided to  text you. But you didn’t reply.I waited n waited n waited.  Its too overwhelming till I turn back and cry. I was scared. I feel alone. Isolated. I don’t know why but I feel like I cannot trust anyone at all.

Hours later, u txt me back. But I was so tired. Damn tired. Guess i cried too much. I just read the txt and threw the phone away. Still, I remained in my bed. Then you called me. I wanted to answer it. but im scared. I afraid if you realized that Im not ok. You may realize that I sound like I just cried. I don’t want to look weak n vulnerable.

Suddenly my friend came n told me that you text her…asking about my whereabouts n my condition. Im shocked. But I just smiled and said that im fine and ill be texting you later. But it took me quite a long time to calm myself.  To feel like myself once again.

Awak, I've been having a bad dream. Terrible ones. The ones that make me woke up trembling or with tears on my cheeks and breathing so fast till it hurt.  Im sorry. But Im not the type that talked about nightmare. I had some belief -which kinda weird- I just dont talk about nightmares. Its not what i talk about. Especially the dream is what im scared the most. Im always happy when i didnt dream anything at all. which is so rare these days.. T.T

I used to tell you that I cant sleep for days. I will eventually woke up in the middle of the night. or end up feeling like sh*t in the morning. I asked you to accompany me, right. everynight, text me till i fall asleep. i know i was being annoyingly girlish - whatever you may called this. but Im scared. Id rather being called like that than not having enough sleep at all. 

But i guess im not telling you about this. may be one day, on one fine day,  you will know why. you wont accuse me of being a liar. hmm. its too hard to bear it alone. But its even more painful to share when i know ppl will left one day...i had a problem with trust and i will always will...

P/s: date ni tak btol snanye...i wrote bout this after i was accuse to be a liar. tp bru post...lgpun. bkn nye ade sespe yg nk bce my post kan. so, i had nothg to lose....... :')