my classmate said to me, "please share your feelings. don't swallow everything inside you." i know she meant good but it just don't feel that way. i know myself well enough to know that i cant stand tall anymore if i start to tear up. here and there i felt sharp pain in the chest that has nothing to do with the my sickness. i try to cheer up and push everything aside. try to be strong. try to act strong, at least.
it took me a week to ready myself. one week is never going to be enough but i try to use all the time in it. and it hurt and still am. feel empty and alone. and when i look at him, i told myself i have to be strong for me, for him and for all especially the reason beneath it.
it hurts when people joke about us though they do not know so its not their fault anyway.
it hurts when i do things that i always tell him afterwards but now i have to keep it inside.
it hurts when i unconsiously hold my phone wanting to text him. but i know that i cant.
it hurts when i sick but can not tell him but yet have to be strong.
it hurts when the pain come and i just hold my breath and keep my eyes closed so that the pain will receded as i start to fall asleep slowly.
it hurts when i can't stand to see people looking at me in a way as if im going to explode the next second.
but the most hurt is when i have to avoid to see people straight in the eyes for fear that they may see the pain and hurt in my eyes.
you may say i look fine. like i'm not hurt at all. well, i want you to think that way. but deep inside, i know what i feel.
No comments:
Post a Comment