I don’t know if it just me or this is exactly you have been doing all this time. Ignoring me ey?? Is it? Before this, I always wondering  what is MY fault…did I hurt u? physically? emotionally? What I did wrong? I ransacked my brain and even my past memories. Who knows if I DID something wrong TOWARD you. but none!! I found none. And I want to ask u. wht is the problem now?? is it ME or YOU the one that have the problem?!

How long are you going to do it? This stupid idiotic ignoring phase.. are we gonna be like this forever? Or do u still need time to do whatever bullshit you still want to do. I hate it you know. I fucking hate it. Whenever  I laughed for some cracked silly jokes that I heard, I suddenly thought of you. And all moments we had together lingering in my mind. My laugh died just like that!! I feel lost. I hate myself for this sudden feelings. And I hate you more for making me feel it.

At first, I put all the blame on me. I even create some stupid silly reasons so that the fault is always on me. But now?? I can’t think of any. I hate u. You have been acting like a total stupid bitch! I tried, u know.  I even beg for the forgiveness for something that I don’t even know I did. Pushing everything aside, I put myself so low and yet you still with your idiotness in your head. Fucking shit!! I feel like taking a sword and run towards you everytime I thought of this.

If your silent is the way you show you don’t like what I do or how I act in public or anything, then you are the biggest asshole I met in my life. You such a coward person who are so ***** until  you do it this way. You such a goner!!! If I did wrong, you should have confront me! Make me understand. Not making the biggest and silliest puzzle in my life! Damn you!! I hate you sooo much till I can even let out my anger without much difficulty. You are the biggest goner wearing a crown full of idiotness and egoness and shit on top of your silly head that I ever met in my life

Huh, guess I should congratulate you. Well done! You really did manage it. Should I buy the biggest bouquet of flower ever exist in this world for u? thanks  for the tears and your indirectly method of smashing my pride to the lowest level of the earth! 

just some silly story

semalam pi klinik sorang2...well, mcm besa ah. bagi ic kt kaunter pendaftaran bla3x. pastu, si kerani aka penyambut tetamu klinik nih bagi ak no giliran n soh ak dok. kalih je badan...mak aih....byk nya krusi kosong. boleh baring buat katil lgih. hehe. ak amek tmpt plg ujong skali. bak kata tok, mcm tmpt kt ujong dunia ja. punya la ak tggu, sampai nek boring...ak men game dlm fon ak. dr game unblock smpai ke swipe sampai ke angry bird ak men...huhu. ada sorg dua bdak nih main men ngn ak. comel ja depa.. rsa cm nk kidnap bwk blik ja. parents depa pun sporting. :)

akhirnya, nombor ak kna panggil gak. masuk bilik dua. bkak ja pintu....perghhh. awat doktot kat kedah ni hensem gla? haha. mla ah snyum smpi nk koyak pipi. <-- exaggerate jaa. hahaha. okey la kan. berbaloi la ak  mlanggut kat luaq tu macam hapa ja lagih. 

doktot ni tnya la soklan beretika dya...umoq bopa. bljaq kat mana. sakit tang mana. boleh doktot ni ckp ak sakit lutut macam org 91 taun pnya sakit, bkn 19 taun??? cempuk kang. tapi pnya la gabra doktot muda sorg nih, smpai terjatuh dy pnya botol ayaq. gelak sakan lah kami dua. kekeke. 

pastu si doktot tu tnya ak dok kat mana. ak pon cta ah dgn terperinci skali. kot la nk masok meminang. snang sikit nk carik jln, kan...cewah. menggatal ja ak nih. mengegeyh lak. :P doktot tu ckp. awat ak cakap tak sergopa orang kedah? aikk. pnya pelat ak ckp ngn dy, dy ckp tak cukup pelat lagih? nk cocentrated tergha mana lagi doktot oihh. 

part plg klaka bla dy tnya ak abang org mana...ak dgn penuh kenaifan dan ke-innoncent-an nya jwb la orghang kedah. ya lah. tak kan la abg ak org kelate kott... skali doktot tu ckp... " laa. kalo abang oghang kedah gak, kna pekat la ckp kedah tu"... ( -.-") sumpah ak lampy tahap gaban. tahap hawaq pnya gaban. hare` aih doktot nih. ak sikit pnya muda rupa ak nih, hang bleh igt ak da kawin. cempuk sat gi kang.

lpaih tu, mla ah bkak cta psl bla ak kawen n sewaktu ngannya. ak dgn "senang hatinya" bercerita..kalo blh ngn mas kawen pun ak nk cita skalih. aishh. doktot ni lahh.. tapi, salah ak gak. yg dok gatai berinai tu ape kes...dah la siap pakai cincin lagih. suma org akan slh sangka. aishh. ak pon x paham. kat shah alam tak daknya nk bercincin tapi kat kedah ak pkai lak. 24 jam lagih tolak tyme tidoq n nk mandi n amek smayang ja. sbb sentimental value kah?? biaq lah rahsia. ;)

bla ak cta kat mak, mak gelak jah...mak ckp, lpaih nih kna carik kat kak orang kedah je lah. nk bg pekat skit loghat tuh.. haha. aish, mak...cam da calon jah.  tak dak angin tak dak ribut nih. mak da pelan di sebalik langsir ka mak??

lone ranger?

Ever  felt  afraid of what you are doing? Afraid if your choice will only lead you to another one? I have made my choice. And I even make my first step. But as I walk, sometimes I stop to think back again. Did I make the right choice? Am I going to regret it? Can I walk back the path that I once dream about?  

In life, there are many people that you meet.  Some come and go. Some come and leave marks in your life and then left.  Some come to stay in your life. Perhaps as an enemy, companion or yet a lover.  I welcome everyone that comes in my life. For me it’s a new journey that I love to face each time I meet people. Making friends leads me to an adventurous path. The ones that I may or may not come across before.

As much as I love to make new friends, I have a bad habit of letting them free. If they left, I do not  make any step to hold them to me. Why? Maybe because I believe that there is no point on holding on people so dearly when they decided to walk away.  Maybe this is the reasons why I do not want anyone to be close to me. Cause I know that sooner or later, they will walk away.

Knowing that deep in my heart I’m going to miss them dearly for such a period,  I also know that I can permanently delete them from my thoughts once the period is over. Am I selfish? Am I cruel? Well, I’m standing tall and proud saying that yes I am. Though I wish I am not.

 I had encountered these kind of situation before.  Times when people walk away or when I am the one that choose to walk away. Wait?! Why am I the one that walk away sometimes?? Hmm, its because I guess I’m too tired or too hurt to stand by his or her side anymore. The times when it tears me up.  But when I tried to hold on it hurts too much. I tried to forgive but it's just not enough to make it all okay. :(

Sometimes when I am alone - walking alone or sitting alone in the bus or train with mp3 on with volume so high, I thought about this. Am I lonely? Hell yes, I do. I do feel the emptiness in my heart. Sometimes I carve for someone to hear my story. I don’t  mind if that person do not listen. It only matters that he or she is by my side. Sometimes I need a shoulder or a consoling hand to wipe away my tears. I’m tired of running away. Tired of looking away when I am crying. Tired of tearing up a smile when i dont feel like it. Most of all. I am tired of everything.