3 flights away

Waalaikumusalam ela,

You. Yes you. You are also one of the bestest things that happen to me. EVER!!

We did have our 'click' back in msu. Yess. I feel that too. Strongly. Its like we are two puzzles that just matched perfectly. We still do.

We both are a complete opposite. Like polar opposite
I like it hot. You like it cool. (Bajet suam2 kuku)
I like werewolf kind of story. You like sappy love story.
I like...no...i love to rant like ALL the times. You listened very well.
I like action movie but you have a strict list of movie you like.
And the list goes on and on and on.

Yet we do share things in common. (I copied the list you make)
Wattpad, Eating outside, hanging out together - wherever and whenever, shopping, gossiping, fan girling over bigbang and winner.. oh yeah,, the list does goes on and on.

Ela, i feel like at ease whenever im with you. Sometime, i will knock on your door. Using excuses like i want to lie down on your bed while surfing internet or i want to charge my phone... But actually, truthfully, i want to stay in same room with you. It feels awesome. You on your laptop and im playing with my phone feels natural. We dont have to talk all the time. But being there feels enough. Complete.

Ela, in these 4 years i want to say "im sorry" for all the things i burden you all this time.. With my constant whining... My anxiety... My eating behaviour. Ak mkn punya lah lama smpi ela pun dh start mkn lmbt... My condition yg slalu tremors and all... My never ending love story that you once said tht my love story is longer than any indon drama 😂😂 I want to say sorry for a lot of things and more. Anything i say or do that hurts you. Yg buat u terasa. Ak mohon maaf sgt2...

Ela,
I want to thank you for listening to my luahan perasaan.
For lending me your shoulder to cry on. For listening to anything and everything i rant about.
For staying with me everytime i want to eat sampai aku habis makan.
For tolerating with my eating behaviour. My picky eating.
Tq sbb sanggup datang kt ak masa ak nangis kol hang.
Tq sbb hg sanggup ponteng one day class sbb teman ak masuk hospital. Tq sbb sanggup ada dgn aku masa ak kna buat Lumbar Puncture wpun hg kena halau keluar dri treatment room. Hg langsung tak teragak2 utk ponteng kelas. 😭😭
Tq sbb hg selalu tolerate ak lepak dlm bilik hg lama2.
Tq sbb slalu ketuk pintu ak n tnya aku nk mkn apa utk hg order.
Tq sbb keep track with me on everything.
Abd for being there for the start till the end.

*crying*

Ela, getting separated with you feel damn hurt. Sbb we both now how sucks we are keeping track on long distance relationship. Despite having fb, ig, twitter, wassap...we both now that our friendship will have a change here and there. Cause we both sucks. Big time!!

Ela,
Despite my never ending rant to you. There are things that i hid from you. I never tell you before...that i wish...no..i want to fail my second year unis. Because i want to be with you. I even start my planning of failing exam.. but then, at the end of the study weeks, the reality hits me. Someone told me that im being idiotic. Sape aku utk ubah perancangan Allah. I feel like a slap in my face. Sumpah wehh, ak rasa down gila. I feel helpless. I was torn between my family and you. And at last, ak serahkn everything kt Allah. Because i know He is the best perancang. He knows everything. And when i did pass my second year, i cried. I cried for future. Im scared of future. I feel like Im at lossing end. And i start feeling empty.

Ela, selain dri pasal family, study, my heartbreaks.... I did talk about you to my consultant. I did told them how i was scared of leaving you. How it hurts me. How im scared of what will happen now.. how i dont know how to cope...

I realised that i am an independent girl but once i get dependent on one person, i get stuck! I have become very dependent to you. Ela dh jadi my escapism. In order to escape my anxiety, i selfishly used you all this time. I used you. I make you teman aku makan. I make you stay with me till i finish eating, I had used you.. and now, im alone. Literally and figuratively alone.

We are separated by thousands of kilometres. And im not ready. Gosh, im scared that i will succumb in my anxiety and i will starve to death.

To others, they might say im being overly exaggerated. And they will say i have them in Muar. But they are not you, ela... It just not the same.

Lepas ni, dah takde dah org nk teman aku makan. I need to do it myself, somehow. 😭😭 lepas ni dah takde dah org nk aku ajak lepak2 minum air kt kedai makan. Lepas ni dah takde dah org ak nk membebel pasal everything.

Gosh, Im missing you teribbly. Ela, i wish you all the best for your Unis. I want to meet you again in Muar in another 6 months.. see you in 6 months ela. Till then, im going miss you sooo damn much. Jgn lupe, slalu2 la bukak wassap tauu..