fall is it worth it? the stain?

B said aku perasan bagus. aku ni bajet baik. and probably others as well. *sigh*

i know, im the one who start the act. so, i should at least anticipate this. i should at least expect this to happen. sooner or later.

and aku x harap org utk memahami. because everything is a build-up emotion that i kept for long. and amazingly, the raw emotion has disappear. The remaining one are cold and numbness. 

biarlah apa org nak kata. aku fham situasi aku and k faham kenapa kau buat mcam tu. tapi kau cuma org luar yg berfikir pkai otak kau sja. x pikir perasaan dan intepretasi org lain. kau rasa tindakan kau betul. lain org lain cara. tindakan kau mungkin betul utk org lain tpi tidak untuk aku. 

LIFE - LOVE

life is ironic. it flows in a way we dont plan to. unexpected things happen. one move can change everything.

we cant help who we fall in love with. its even surprising when you found out that everything you want is not according to plan.

love come in the least expected place amd situation. you had two options. First one is accept it with open arms. Second one is you can let it go. Its YOUR CHOICE.

Live the life you want and love the way you live. 

Dear No One - Tori Kelly

Dear No One

I like being independent
Not so much of an investment
No one to tell me what to do
I like being by myself
Don't gotta entertain anybody else
No one to answer to...

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me their jacket when it's cold
Got that young love even when we're old
Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you till the end

So if you're out there I swear to be good to you
But I'm done lookin', for my future someone
Cause when the time is right
You'll be here, but for now
Dear no one, this is your love song
Ooo-OhOh

I don't really like big crowds
I tend to shut people out
I like my space, yeah
But I'd love to have a soulmate
And God'll give him to me someday
And I know it'll be worth the wait, oh

So if your out there I swear to be good to you
But I'm done lookin' (But I'm done lookin'), for my future someone
Cause when the time is right
You'll be here, but for now
Dear no one (Dear nobody) this is your love song (Ooo-Oooh)

Sometimes, I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me their jacket when it's cold
Got that young love even when we're old
Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you till the end

So if you're out there I swear to be good to you
But I'm done lookin' (I'm done lookin'), for my future someone (Ooo-Yeah)
Cause when the time is right
You'll be here, but for now
Dear no one (Dear Nobody) this is your love song (This is your love song)
Dear no one, no need to be searchin', no
Dear no one...
Dear no one...
Dear No one, this is your love song

CURSED

it just a piece of shit. a round of shit and curses that she put around her finger. but that piece of shit that she still keep till now symbolise my dumbness. symbolised her betrayal to me. her betrayal to me-her bestfriends. opps, pardon me, her EX-bestfriend!

i know... its years ago kinda things. but if she was sorry for what happen, she will at least TRY to understand MY feeling. have a heart to protect my feeling. if she was at least a decent friend, she would throw tht cursed thing away long time ago. not valued it as a friendship token! if she valued that as token of friendship, then she valued him more than me. its over!  DONE!

and here i am - assumed and thought about everything. huh, what can i do when every your action gave the same perception? the same idea. the same bullshit. 

i believe that action speaks louder than words. your action is enough to me already. no need to come and brag to me on all the good things you did. because words comes from the lying mouth. but your act, your deed... it comes from your heart and your mind. thats what i need. 

My relationship goal

I always wish for a family arranged marriage. Perhaps because my mom and dad are one. N my pk ngah n mk ngah. And also pk su n mk su.

Arranged marriage or marriage almost like that. (aka yg seangkatan dgnnya). It was pure. I feel like it is proper. Kena dgn fitrah. When a guy feel and know that he is ready. And he goes directly to wali and ask for her hand of marriage. It is a manly act! A prove that he is brave enough. It doesnt matter whether he knows her before that or not. But at same time, the girl should also make herself ready. It has to be two way. Not one way only.

My brother, he asked my mom to search a girl to be his wife. My mom asked for my aunt's help. And they did find one girl. And both my brother and the girl met in a cafe. For the first time! Never talk or msg-ing before that. Just see each other pictures. In one evening, both sits together face to face and talk. Asking bout each others' details - biodata bla bla bla. I was there. I kinda being a penganggu aka moderator. Well, we - the girl's friend and i are the moderatorS. But overall, with the teasing and asking questions and laugh - it was....... Unexplained feeling. Awkward. Sacred.

I kinda envy my brother and the girl (she is not to be named YET). Why i envy them? Maybe because i reallly wish i was in her shoes. Because i really love that. And i really want that....

U probably think, ehh afi ni nenggatal nk kahwin betul... Hahaha. Nope. Im not that desprate utk kwin. My heart currently are mending itself after being broken and smashed to pieces. Kalau ttbe ada org ketuk pintu rmh and berbalas pantun dgn mak abah nk merisik ak, sah sah ak tolak. I dont want to make anyone as a rebound. Nope! Never!

But.... What i really feel is..........I rlly apreciated the beauty of arranged marriage. The beauty of love AFTER marriage. Bila kita jaga pergaulan. Berkwin bukan sekadar nafsu... Now THAT is a wow!!

Amik cth my parents. Both x pnh kenal before kahwin. It was arranged marriage. And despite of kekurangan n kelemahan each other, they try to appreciate each other kebolehan n kelebihan. After all rintangan, they did it.